Election Day
by GrandOldPenguin
Summary: Julien challenges Skipper to be the penguins' leader on Election Day, but when Rico's absence sets up a tie situation between them, Marlene must be the deciding vote. Marlene is soon frustrated with Skipper's and Julien's antics at trying to get her vote.
1. The Challenge and the Capture

It was the morning of the first Tuesday in November 2009, and the Central Park Zoo was crowded with many families with children who had the day off from school. The visitors all enjoyed walking through the zoo and seeing its exhibits of creatures from all around the globe, but noticeably absent were the zoo's four penguins, who were not standing on their habitat's platform and smiling and waving as they typically do.

It was Election Day, and while many New Yorkers were at the polls casting their ballots for mayor and other local offices, the city's municipal election was not the only election going on in the Big Apple. Unbeknownst to visitors and other animals at the zoo alike, the penguins were in their underground HQ preparing to re-elect Skipper to his seventh term as Penguin Leader.

"Where are those silly penguins this morning?" Julien asked his subjects as he looked towards the empty penguin habitat from atop his throne. "It's not like they just up and flew away."

"I'm not sure, your majesty," Maurice replied after first swallowing the piece of a banana he was eating. "Perhaps they're down below."

"Yes, you are probably right," the king said. "But I still think that something is up. And by up, I mean down, going on down below the ground, down there. Yes, that is it. And I feel that it is only right for me, the king, to find out what is going on. But I suppose you could come along, too."

"You go on ahead first," Maurice replied. "I'll come join you when I'm through with this banana."

On that note, Julien leapt from his throne and began to walk over to the penguin habitat to investigate.

Meanwhile, in the penguins' HQ, Rico stood patiently outside of a voting booth that had been set-up for the election, which, even though Skipper's victory had always been a foregone conclusion, allowed each of the penguins to democratically elect their leader via the legitimacy of a secret ballot.

"Just another 30 seconds until 10 a.m.," Kowalski declared, looking at his watch. "Then, Rico, you may enter and cast your vote."

"Hmm, I wonder who I'm voting for," Rico joked, looking over at Skipper, who chuckled at the joke.

When Kowalski's watch was just two ticks away from the top of the hour, Julien suddenly and unexpectedly entered through one of the HQ's doors.

"Anybody home, neighbors?" he called out upon entering.

"Over here," Rico mumbled, beginning to waddle over to Julien instead of into the voting booth.

The other three penguins followed Rico's lead.

"So, what have we here?" Julien asked.

"We have here an intruder on our secret penguin agenda!" Skipper shouted to Julien.

"It's Election Day," Private told Julien. "We're about to re-elect Skipper to another term to lead our force."

"Private!" Skipper began to yell at Private for disclosing what they were doing, but then he decided that there was really no reason to keep it classified. "Well, yes, I am running for re-election to lead my men here at the zoo."

"What is this about re-election?" Julien inquired.

"On the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November in odd-numbered years, we assemble to reaffirm Skipper's role as our leader by voting him into office," Kowalski responded. "While Skipper's skills and leadership qualities are enough for us to want him to lead us alone, Skipper takes great pride in being confirmed by the ballot under a system of free elections, so we biennially re-elect him through the protocol prescribed in the Constitution of United Penguins."

"Take a breath, Kowalski," Skipper said after Kowalski's deluge of information to Julien.

Maurice then entered the penguins' HQ with Mort following close behind.

"You down here, your majesty?" Maurice asked before spotting the king and beginning to head over to him.

"What, is every lemur and his brother coming over this morning?" Skipper called out as the two meddling mammals entered. "It's a good thing we've got until 8 p.m. before the polls close."

"The smart one was just telling me about how these guys vote every two years to pick which one of them is the silliest of the silly penguins," Julien told Maurice.

"No, we vote to determine who will lead the brigade," Skipper corrected.

"Yes, whatever," Julien said, waiving a paw to dismiss what Skipper had said. "Silliest penguin? Leader of the penguins? What's the difference?"

"Hey, you appointed yourself king, lemur – that's monarchy!" Skipper shouted. "At least I was elected through democracy."

"Then certainly I, King Julien, should be participating in this Democrat thingy, too!" the said monarch declared.

"That's _democracy_, lower mammal, not _Democrat_!" Skipper corrected. "_Democracy_ is when the people – or penguins – not egotistical kings, choose their leaders. A _Democrat_ is a member of the Democratic political party."

"We lemurs love to party," Julien said as he began doing a little dance, cuing in on the word "party" that Skipper had just spoken.

"Oh, this is just disturbing," Skipper said.

Kowalski covered Private's eyes to shield him from Julien's dance routine.

"_Political party_, mammal," Skipper called out. "Not _party_, party."

"What political party are you a member of, Skipper?" Maurice then asked.

"That's classified!" Skipper informed him.

"Oh, come on, penguin," Julien said, stopping his dance. "Don't be a _party_ pooper."

"Classified!" Skipper affirmed.

"Really? Is that the only word you penguins know?" Julien responded, critical.

"No!" Skipper replied, turning then to Kowalski. "Kowalski: Synonyms!"

"Synonyms for the word 'classified' can and do include the following: confidential, privy, secret, top-secret, private, and restricted," Kowalski stated.

"Well, there's a politician for you," Julien said in a denouncing tone. "Never wanting to tell the truth or give a direct answer."

"Fine, lemur!" Skipper declared, giving in. "I'll have you know I'm a member the GOP!"

"GOP? So you're a Republican, then?" Maurice asked.

"No, not exactly," Skipper replied. "The Grand Old Party tends to frown on non-humans enrolling as members. So I formed my own party just for penguins, the Grand Old Penguin Party. And I'd bet you'd never guess what our party symbol is."

"A penguin?" Maurice asked.

"Not bad, lemur," Skipper replied. "You're smarter than you look, or something."

"Well, certainly I could beat anyone who is a member of a party that uses a flightless bird as its official symbol," Julien stated as he chuckled. "After all, it is Affection Day."

"Election Day!" Skipper corrected, smacking a flipper on his forehead in frustration. "Do you ever try paying attention?"

"What was that?" Julien asked, confused.

"Oh!" Skipper groaned as he began to walk away from Julien.

"Where are you going, penguin?" Julien asked. "Are you not up to my challenge?"

"What challenge?" Skipper asked, turning around.

"That I, your humble king, run against you in the election," Julien stated.

"What?!" Skipper shouted. "You can't run for Penguin Leader! You're a lemur!"

"Technically, Skipper, the Constitution of United Penguins does not bar a member of a different species from running for Penguin Leader," Kowalski informed his commander.

"Kowalski! Where are your alliances?!" Skipper chastised.

"With you, sir," Kowalski replied. "But the law is the law."

"But shouldn't it be a penguin elected to the office of Penguin Leader?" Skipper asked. "I mean, the word 'penguin' is part of the title!"

"_Should be _and _has to be_ are two different things, sir," Kowalski replied.

"Hooray for King Julien!" Mort suddenly expressed.

Skipper looked at the floor and exhaled quickly. He then looked at Julien, believing that he had figured out a technicality that could block the monarch's challenge.

"You're not a natural-born citizen, mammal!" Skipper shouted. "You're a native of Madagascar!"

"Actually, Skipper," Kowalski began with the law again, "there's no such citizenship requirement to be Penguin Leader like there is to be President of the United States. So long as they're a resident of this zoo, anyone can serve. And besides, you're not a natural-born citizen either."

"What are you talking about, Kowalski?!" Skipper asked in an objecting tone. "I am indeed a natural-born citizen! You know full well that I'm originally from Pennsylvania, which is part of the United States!"

"Ah, the Keystone State: Entered the Union on December 12, 1787," Kowalski replied. "But are you forgetting that you're part of the order Sphenisciformes?"

"I'm not forgetting because I have never known what that means to begin with," Skipper replied.

"It means you're a penguin," Kowalski said. "You weren't _born_ anywhere – you _hatched _from an egg."

Skipper paused for a moment to formulate a comeback.

"And you're an _egg_-head," he replied, smirking a little.

Skipper then began looking around the room. It suddenly came to him that there were four penguins and only three lemurs present. He smiled.

"Penguin huddle," Skipper called, the other penguins then beginning to form a circle next to him.

"Kowalski, tell me just who exactly is allowed to vote for Penguin Leader," he whispered into Kowalski's ear.

"The Constitution of United Penguins states that all penguins registered to vote at the zoo or other established quarters where the election is to be held shall have one vote for Penguin Leader," Kowalski informed him. "Additionally, any non-penguin candidate who has expressed their desire to run shall be given one vote, as shall any other non-penguin who is not a candidate if so granted by the incumbent Penguin Leader and agreed to by all candidates."

"Good to know," Skipper stated. "If Julien's candidacy gives him one vote and I grant the other two lemurs voting privileges, I'm still in no danger of losing because there are four of us penguins."

"But you don't have to grant Maurice and Mort a vote, sir," Private said.

"True, Private," Skipper replied. "But if I do it, I'll show that monarch a thing or two about the democratic process and show him that I'm not afraid of a challenge. Plus, maybe after he loses and goes home, we'll get a little bit of peace around here."

"A top-notch strategy, sir," Kowalski said. "You've got my vote."

"Uh-huh!" Rico agreed.

"Alrighty then, time to tell the king," Skipper said as he broke the huddle.

"Ring-tail: Front and center," Skipper called out to Julien, who then approached Skipper as such.

"All right, monarch, time to teach you the penguin way," Skipper declared. "I accept your challenge, but trust me, it'll all be a waste of your time in the end."

"We'll see, my friend," Julien replied smugly. "We'll see."

"And I'll even let your two loopy lemur buddies vote, too," Skipper confidently added. "You do know that there's four of us penguins and only three of you lower mammals, right? That means you'll only get three votes to my four, and you might only get two if Mort can't reach your lever in the voting booth."

"Actually, Skipper," Kowalski waddled over to inform him, "the Help America Vote Act of 2002 would require Mort to be provided with a method of being able to cast his vote."

"Can he jump?" Skipper asked.

"I suppose that would be acceptable," Kowalski replied before waddling away.

"The point I'm trying to make here, lemur, it that you've got a dodo's chance in Antarctica of winning this election," Skipper affirmed. "But far be it for me to prevent your hopeless endeavor. Have at it."

"Don't count your hatch before your chickens!" Julien declared. "The dodo is a flightless bird, too. I mean, _was_."

"Save your drivel for your campaign speech," Skipper responded. "You know, your concession speech."

"Concessions? When do we eat?" Julien asked.

"It's not a food thing, mammal," Skipper replied. "It means you lose."

"A king cannot lose!" Julien exclaimed. "And now I am all fired-up and ready to run!"

"Then go see Kowalski to register for the election," Skipper said.

Julien walked over to Kowalski.

"Klondike–" Julien said, Kowalski then cutting him off.

"Kowalski," Kowalski corrected.

"Yes, smart one," Julien continued. "I'd like to register for today's election."

"Very well," Kowalski said as he picked up a plain white sheet of paper. "I'll need you write down on this sheet of paper just a simple statement of candidacy. Use your full name and then sign it at the bottom."

Julien took the paper from Kowalski and wrote the following words upon it: "I, King Julien Julius Jules XIII, will run against the silly penguin today." He signed it and handed it back to Kowalski.

"Talk about a simple statement of candidacy," Kowalski joked as he read it. "Oh, and I almost forgot: What political party do you want to run with on the ballot?"

"Well, certainly I must run as the king, which is me, of course," Julien replied.

"The King Which is Me Party," Kowalski said as he wrote it down. "Got it."

Skipper then waddled over.

"All right, ring-tail, how about you and your buddies go away for a few hours," he suggested. "It'll be a little while before Kowalski can get your name on the ballot, so we'll come get you later when it's time to vote."

"OK, see you later, then," Julien said as he left, the other lemurs following their king out.

A few minutes later, the penguins heard a familiar rattle coming from outside; Alice was filling up the penguins' food dish with some nice tasty herring.

"Fish time!" Rico declared as he and the others began making their way outside from the HQ, Rico arriving at the food dish first.

"Not you, little guy," Alice said to Rico as she reached to pick him up, although she wasn't quite sure why she was talking to a penguin. "It's time for your check-up."

As Alice was just about to place Rico inside of a cage, he managed to wiggle out of her arms and dive into the water. The other penguins then dove off their platform into the water and swam alongside Rico, hoping that they would all blend together so Alice couldn't tell them apart. Fearing that he'd probably soon be captured anyway, however, and fearing that an X-ray might be performed, Rico regurgitated all of the items inside of his stomach below the water in a spot out of Alice's line of sight.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think that these birds had planned this," Alice said to herself as she reached for a net.

As the penguins came near her as they continued to circle around in the water, Alice dipped her net in and scooped up Private.

"No scar on this one," she said as she looked at Private, then took him out of the net and placed him up on the platform.

When she dipped her net in for the second time, she came up with what she wanted.

"Gotcha!" she said as she identified the penguin she was targeting.

As Alice placed Rico in a cage, Skipper and Kowalski joined Private up on the platform to watch as their comrade was taken captive.

"We're going to get Rico out of this, aren't we, Skipper?" Private asked.

"Operation: Rescue Rico is now in effect," Skipper declared. "We'll give that zookeeper a few minutes so she doesn't suspect anything, then we're off to bust our buddy out of that infernal veterinary station."

As the three began their waiting, Rico soon arrived at the veterinary station.

"Hey, doc!" Alice called out as she walked in. "I've got that spiky-haired penguin here for you."

"I'm jammed up so much today, Alice," the doctor said. "Maybe this penguin can wait until tomorrow or Thursday."

"You wouldn't believe what I went through to get this penguin for you," Alice argued. "Please don't make me have to do it again another day."

"Fine, Alice," the doctor said. "But put him in the back storage room because I won't be able to get to him until this evening."

Alice then went and placed Rico in the veterinary station's back storage room. She then got a call on her radio to go feed the rhinoceros, so she walked out of the building. After she was a few feet away from the veterinary station, Skipper jumped out from behind a bush near the door, followed by Kowalski and Private. The three then entered the building and saw the doctor at work weighing a porcupine on a scale.

"Ooh, we meet again, Dr. Deranged," Skipper said as he set his eyes on the veterinarian. "If I'm not mistaken, I'd say it's time to commence Operation: Give the Doctor His Medicine."

Out of the vet's line of sight, Kowalski and Private helped lift Skipper up to a shelf about six feet off the ground. As the other two hid in the corner of the room, Skipper patiently stood hidden between two veterinary books on the shelf and waited a few minutes until the doctor walked by.

"I've won all my fights by knockout," Skipper said as he then lunged forward on the shelf and used his right flipper to hit the doctor in the back of the neck, temporarily knocking him out.

Skipper then jumped down from the shelf.

"No worries, folks, he'll be just fine," Skipper said, briefly breaking the fourth wall. "But that should give us a good 20 or so minutes to get Rico out before the doctor comes to."

The team then began hunting for Rico, and Kowalski spotted him through the glass of the back storage room door. Kowalski then tried pushing on the door, but it would not open.

"How about all three of us give it a go," Skipper suggested, with all then trying without success to use their bodies to force the door open.

"I think I've determined the problem," Kowalski stated. "The door is locked."

"Well, there's a surprise," Skipper said sarcastically.

"Wait, Skipper, look," Private said as he pointed up to the locking device of the door. "It looks like one of those locks that you can only open with a keycard."

Sure enough, the zoo had recently installed keycard lock systems on many doors throughout the zoo, and the veterinary station's back storage room was one of these locations. Few zoo employees were given a keycard for this particular lock, but among those who had were Alice, zoo security, and the zoo veterinary staff, including the unconscious veterinarian on the floor.

"Private, check the doc's wallet and pockets for the keycard," Skipper told Private.

Private then waddled over to the doctor and went through his pockets, finding no such keycard. Unbeknownst to the penguins, the vet had left his wallet in his car, and since he hadn't had to go into the back storage room yet that morning, he never realized he was without it.

"I've found a pen, four pretzels, a Leatherman multi-tool, and plenty of lint, but no wallet or keycard," Private reported after searching the doctor's pockets.

"Hoover Dam!" Skipper shouted. "Well, Kowalski, maybe you can take the lock unit apart and rig it to get us inside without the keycard."

Private then handed Kowalski the doctor's Leatherman multi-tool to use to take apart the lock unit. Kowalski was able to use the tool's flathead screwdriver to pry off the unit's cover, then he began to use the tool's pliers and wire cutter to work on the wiring.

As Kowalski continued to try to electrically bypass the door's security system, there was a sudden pop and a zap from the unit as the light in the room flickered off.

"Holy J. Robert Oppenheimer!" Kowalski exclaimed, taking the name of the nuclear physicist in vain. "I think I just blew a fuse."

"Well, fix it!" Skipper ordered. "We're not going to leave our buddy behind."

Kowalski looked Skipper dead in the eye.

"I can't, sir," he said. "I'm sorry."

"Well, can't we just stick a penny in for the fuse?" Skipper asked. "It should give us enough time to get Rico out at least."

"Negative," Kowalski replied, pointing through the shatterproof laminated glass of the door of the room Rico was in. "Because the fuse box is in there."

"Well, I'm sure Rico's bound to have–" Skipper began to say before Private pulled on his flipper.

"Rico's empty, sir," Private said. "He regurgitated all that he had in him before Alice got him. And the door seems too tight to the ground to slide anything in for Rico to use."

"Rico!" Skipper shouted through the door, banging a flipper against the glass.

Skipper then turned to Kowalski.

"The election, Kowalski!" he suddenly remembered. "Well, that's OK, Rico can just vote from here and call his vote out through the door."

"Now you're really going to hate me, sir," Kowalski replied. "The Constitution of United Penguins does not allow for absentee or proxy voting."

"Which means?" Skipper asked.

"Unless Rico is on the floor of our HQ, our official polling place, his vote will not count," Kowalski stated. "Now whenever you want to slap me, I'm ready."

"Slap you?" Skipper asked. "But why?"

"Because it was my action which blew the fuse, thus trapping our colleague and fourth vote," Kowalski replied.

Skipper sensed the tremendous guilt that Kowalski was feeling. He looked at the non-functional card slot on the door, then to the fuse box inside the room Rico was in. He ran a flipper then along a pipe containing a wire which connected the room's light to its nearby switch.

"The wiring in this building is lousy anyway," Skipper said. "Something was bound to go sooner or later."

"But Skipper, I still–" Kowalski began before Skipper broke in.

"You're just too smart for this to have been your mistake," Skipper told him. "You did nothing wrong, and we'd be worse off if you hadn't tried anything at all. Now forgive yourself, and that's an order."

"Thank you for your confidence in me, sir," Kowalski replied.

"Think nothing of it," Skipper said. "You know why you are here and why there are four of us in the team?"

"Because random chance brought us all to the Central Park Zoo and we all became friends?" Kowalski asked.

"There's some truth to that, yes," Skipper replied. "But it's really because we need four. We all offer something important, and Kowalski, now we're going to need that brain of yours to help us figure out what to do next."

"I'll do my best, Skipper," Kowalski said. "And maybe, just maybe, a little bit more."

"I like your commitment," Skipper said. "Now we must go back to the HQ and regroup."

Skipper then turned to the glass of the door of the room Rico was in and gave him a salute to indicate that he hadn't been forgotten. Rico returned the salute, as well as the waves that Kowalski and Private gave him. Skipper then led his unit back to the HQ, down one man.


	2. Tiebreaker

Once they arrived back at their HQ, Skipper, Kowalski, and Private assembled around the table to discuss the next step in Skipper's bid for re-election, as without Rico, the penguins and lemurs now had an equal number of voters for the election for Penguin Leader.

"Right now, we're looking at a tie situation, sir," Kowalski told Skipper. "Private and I will vote for you, and you'll vote for yourself. And we can predict that the lemurs will all vote for Julien."

"How is a tie vote broken, then?" Skipper asked.

"The Constitution of United Penguins declares that a tie would be thrown to the House of Representatives to resolve," Kowalski replied.

"In Washington?" Skipper asked. "Those nuts would pick that loony lemur before you can say 'politics as usual.'"

"No, not in the District of Columbia," Kowalski replied. "Here at the zoo."

"But there's no House of Representatives at this zoo," Skipper stated.

"Exactly," Kowalski said. "Thus, you and Julien would both be elected and have to serve together."

"Ew, togetherness!" Skipper shouted. "I may be a penguin, but I'll say it: That ain't gonna fly!"

Private suddenly thought that he had an idea.

"Skipper!" he shouted. "Add another voter to break the tie!"

"Private, what are you talking about?" Skipper asked.

"The same way you granted Maurice and Mort a vote, just grant one to someone else, too," Private clarified.

"You know, you're right, Private," Skipper said. "Of course, Julien would be required to go along with it."

"He's got just as much reason to want a tiebreaker as you do," Kowalski said.

"But what if Julien wins?" Skipper asked. "Will we need to follow his orders?"

"We don't even follow all of your orders, sir," Kowalski said. "But to one degree or another, yes."

"Us taking orders from a lemur," Skipper grumbled, "if that's not a sign of the Apocalypse, I don't know what is."

"You know we would have been fine with you as our leader without an election, Skipper," Kowalski said. "But once we became signatories to the Constitution of United Penguins, we must abide by its terms."

"I really like being elected, and I really like that Constitution," Skipper said. "I just never would have thought that we all might have to salute a lemur because of it."

"But a tiebreaking voter is still our best shot at keeping you in command," Private said.

"You're right, Private," Skipper said. "And so I guess it's up to me to talk it over with that monarch now."

With that, Skipper stood up and waddled over to the door of the HQ. He gave his team-minus-one a salute, then he headed out the door and strolled over to the lemur habitat.

"Oh, hello, neighbor," Julien said as Skipper entered the enclosure. "Time to vote already?"

"No," Slipper replied. "Something's come up."

"A scandal?" Julien asked, excitedly. "And you're dropping out and endorsing me, your humble king?"

"Keep dreaming," Skipper replied. "But this does concern the election."

"My kingly ears are listening," Julien said.

"Well, to make a long story short, Rico is temporarily stuck in a room over at the zoo veterinary station and we can't get him out to be able to vote," Skipper informed his challenger. "So it looks like we will tie with three votes each."

"Why you say 'three'?" Julien questioned.

"The votes of Kowalski, Private, and myself verses the votes of you, Maurice, and Mort," Skipper said. "Three penguins, three lemurs. It's not that difficult a concept."

"How are you so sure you're actually going to get the votes of Trivette and Cordellski?" Julien asked.

"That's _Private_ and _Kowalski_, lemur!" Skipper corrected. "And I know I'm getting their votes because, trust me, I know my men better than you do."

"I see," Julien responded. "So that means I win, then."

"What makes you believe that?" Skipper asked.

"I am king, silly penguin," Julien said. "So that means that I break any and all ties."

"That's not the way it works," Skipper replied. "And you can ask Kowalski to quote the Constitution of United Penguins to you if you don't believe me. In fact, if we tie, we'll wind up both winning and having to serve together."

"But that cannot be!" Julien declared. "I must rule solo!"

"Yeah, I don't like it any better than you do," Skipper said. "So I suggest, unless you're willing to quit altogether, that we designate an additional voter to cast the deciding vote."

"I don't like that idea," Julien declared. "You're trying to pull the polyester over my eyes and trick me."

"You mean 'pull the _wool_ over your eyes,'" Skipper corrected. "But seriously, no tricks."

"Well, tell me more, penguin," Julien said. "State your case to your king."

"The Constitution of United Penguins allows non-penguins to vote for Penguin Leader if they are not a candidate for the position and both the current Penguin Leader and all candidates for Penguin Leader agree," Skipper informed him. "So, do you agree?"

"Well, who were you thinking of having be this deciding voter?" Julien asked.

"I think we both know that there's only one for this job," Skipper replied. "But she'll be hard to convince."

"Marlene?" Julien asked.

"Yes," Skipper replied. "Do you concur?"

"Well, she does seem to be a nice otter," Julien said. "OK, I'll agree to Marlene being a voter."

"Than it is so," Skipper declared. "That is, so long as she'll go along with it. I say the two of us should go pay her a visit."

"Indeed," Julien agreed.

The two competitors then climbed out of the lemur habitat and strolled on down to Marlene's place. Upon entering, they found Marlene resting on a rock by the water.

"Aaahh!" Marlene screamed as they walked up to her, their footsteps waking her up.

"Do not be frightened, dreaming otter," Julien told her. "It is only I, King Julien, not a bedbug."

Marlene turned her head to see that Julien and Skipper were standing next to her. Although her panic went away because she knew that her friends were not there to hurt her, Marlene sensed that something was up.

"What are you guys doing here?" Marlene questioned.

"Does a friend need a reason?" Skipper asked.

"Does a king need a reason?" Julien inquired.

"Julien and Skipper. Here. Together," Marlene said. "Why do I sense that this isn't going to be an ordinary day?"

"Because it's Election Day," Skipper told her. "It's never just a day on Election Day."

"True that," Julien added.

"OK, so why are you guys so excited about Election Day?" Marlene asked. "You guys can't vote for mayor."

"Well, someday the U.S. Constitution will be amended to give penguins full voting rights, but that's a story for another day," Skipper said. "I'm excited because I'm seeking another term as Penguin Leader here at the zoo."

"Congratulations," Marlene sarcastically remarked. "And you, Julien, why are you excited?"

"Because I challenged the silly penguin and I'm going to win!" Julien told her.

"Why would you want to lead the penguins?" Marlene asked.

"Oh, is that what a Penguin Leader does?" Julien turned to Skipper and asked. "You did not tell me that."

Skipper covered his face with his flippers and then shook them over his head.

"You see, Marlene, this is how my morning's been so far," Skipper said to Marlene as he pointed at Julien. "First, this lemur barges into our HQ, then challenges me to lead my own force, then I agree, then Alice takes Rico, then Rico gets stuck in a room at the veterinary station when a fuse blew, then I learn that I'm going to wind up serving alongside with this royal nutcase for two years if the vote for Penguin Leader ends in a tie! And now this lower mammal doesn't even know that the Penguin Leader is the one who leads the penguins?! Aaahh!"

"Take it easy, Skipper," Marlene said. "Perhaps if the three of us talk it over we can be rational about all of this."

Skipper then spent several minutes telling Marlene about all that had gone on that morning and of what would happen if the vote between him and Julien tied. Julien then spent a few minutes telling Marlene his side of the story. When Julien finished speaking, Skipper looked to him and nodded.

"Maybe it's time we tell Marlene why we really came over," Skipper suggested to him.

"OK, you begin," Julien said.

"Well, Marlene," Skipper began, "just like I told you a few minutes ago, if I tie with Julien, we'll both have to serve together, and neither one of us wants that. The solution – and we both agree on this – would be to admit an additional voter to cast the deciding vote."

"And we were hoping that you might want to be such a voter," Julien added.

"Well, I don't know if I want to get involved in something that's going to force me to take sides between two of my friends," Marlene stated. "Besides, you two go at it too much as it is, and I don't want to be a factor in your fighting."

"But that's exactly why we need you," Skipper said. "You're fair and unbiased, and I'm sure that even Julien would agree with that."

"I do agree," Julien said. "You can manage being friends with me and the penguin. How ever do you do it?"

"I see the good in others," Marlene replied.

"Then certainly you must use that skill today and be the deciding vote," Julien said. "Your king is calling you. Your crunchy is calling you."

"You mean _country_," Skipper corrected.

"Yes, your country is calling you," Julien said.

"Ring-tail's right," Skipper said. "What say you, patriotic otter?"

Marlene didn't give an answer at first, but then suddenly threw her hands up.

"All right, but you two better play nice," she insisted. "And I want each of you to now shake hands."

Skipper held up a flipper.

"Sorry, anatomy won't allow," he said.

Marlene rolled her eyes.

"Fine," she said. "Skipper, shake Julien's hand. Julien, shake Skipper's flipper."

The two complied.

"Now I'm not going to just throw my vote away," Marlene said. "I want each of you to state your case civilly and with respect to your opponent. And later, when I eventually decide and do vote, I want whomever I do not vote for to still know that I want to continue to be friends with you. Can you guys agree to that, too?"

Skipper and Julien both nodded in agreement.

"Very well," Marlene said. "Now I'd like each of you to begin telling me why I should choose you. Skipper, since you're the current Penguin Leader, you may go first."

"Well, for many years now, I've had the honor and privilege of leading a fine group of–" Skipper began to say before Julien interrupted him.

"I have a better idea!" he shouted. "How about instead of telling Marlene why we want her to vote for us now, we instead have a debate this evening?"

"Julien, you were wrong to interrupt Skipper just then," Marlene scolded.

"Well, maybe not," Skipper said. "I kind of like ring-tail's idea."

"You do?" Julien asked. "I mean, you do! Well, good, then."

"What do you think, Marlene?" Skipper asked. "How does a debate seem to you?"

"If that's what you both will agree to, then it's fine with me," she replied.

"How's 6:00 over at the zoovenir shop, penguin?" Julien asked. "That gives us both around six hours to prepare."

"Sounds good," Skipper replied.

"Sounds great," Marlene added. "Now I can catch a little more sleep after all."

"Well, see you later, then," Julien said as he began walking out of Marlene's habitat.

"Yeah, I'm going to go, too," Skipper said as he began to follow Julien out. "Vote Skipper!"

"_A lemur leading the penguins?"_ Marlene thought to herself as her friends were walking away, believing that the concept was strange. _"Only in New York."_

By the time Skipper and Julien had left her habitat, Marlene was already back on top of her favorite rock by the water. By the time Skipper and Julien were back at their own habitats, Marlene was fast asleep.


	3. Silly Season

**PART ONE: **_**VOTE FOR ME!**_

Upon arriving back at the HQ after leaving Marlene's habitat, Skipper assembled his team-minus-one around the table to tell them about what he had talked about with Julien and Marlene, as well as to discuss campaign strategy.

"Well, boys, Julien did indeed go along with Private's idea to add a deciding voter, and Marlene has agreed to be such a voter," Skipper reported. "And the lemur and I have agreed to a debate at 1800 hours over at the zoovenir shop. Marlene will be there to hear us make our cases for her vote."

"Great, sir," Private said. "But what do we do right now? It's quite a while until 1800."

"I was just getting to that, Private," Skipper replied. "You see, the lemur didn't want to have the debate until 1800 so that he had plenty of time to prepare for it. But since I, as a six-term Penguin Leader, know everything there is about leading a fine group of penguins already, I do not need to waste time on preparing for the debate. Instead, I believe we can use the next few hours to actively campaign for Marlene's vote, thus increasing my chance of receiving it."

"Nice plan, Skipper," Kowalski said. "Where do we begin?"

"Well, boys, it's vital that I defeat that lemur," Skipper declared. "So perhaps we should consider hiring a top political strategist to give us advice."

"Ah, perhaps someone along the lines of Karl Rove, Dick Morris, or Frank Luntz," Kowalski suggested.

"Yes, but can we afford one of them?" Skipper asked, turning then to Private. "Private, go check our finances."

Private waddled over to his first prize fish hanging on the wall and stuck a flipper in its mouth, which was where the penguins stored their money. He pulled out a few rolled-up bills and a few coins, which he then counted.

"We have a total of $18.54, sir," Private reported. "You think that's enough, Skipper?"

"It ought to be when it's coming from a group of penguins," Skipper joked. "But I'm afraid those guys just won't be interested in working for so little."

"But I am," Private said. "In fact, you don't even have to pay me."

"I would also like to volunteer my services for the campaign," Kowalski added. "And I'll do it without compensation, too. No _quid pro quo_ required."

"Excellent, men," Skipper said. "Now Kowalski, I was thinking of making a few TV ads to broadcast on Marlene's television. Do you think that you can come up with some sort of device to override her TV signal so we can put our ads on her TV?"

"It is doable," Kowalski replied. "But I'm sure that the FCC would not like it."

"Yeah, and the FAA probably wouldn't have liked when we built that rocket to try to go to the moon either," Skipper said. "But we're penguins; nobody will ever suspect anything."

"Very well, sir," Kowalski said. "Should I get started on creating the device?"

"No, not yet," Skipper replied. "Let's first think up a little slogan that can be used in the ads."

"A fish in every bowl and a boat at every dock," Kowalski suggested.

"It sounds a bit too 1920s, Kowalski," Skipper said, shooting the slogan down. "Private, what have you got?"

"How about 'Hope & Change'?" Private asked.

"A bit on the platitudinous side, eh, Skipper?" Kowalski commented.

"Indeed," Skipper responded. "It's too cute and naïve. It'll never work."

"I might have one," Kowalski said. "In this present crisis, a lemur is not the solution to our problems; lemurs are the problem."

Skipper smiled at Kowalski's proposal.

"As true as that one is, it's a bit too long," Skipper said. "But you're getting closer."

"Well, sir, how about–" Private began before Skipper started to ask over him.

"Yes, Private?" he inquired.

"Well, you've always been a penguin," Private continued.

"As opposed to?" Skipper wondered.

"And you've always been a good leader," Kowalski added.

"Proven penguin," Private said.

"Proven leader," Kowalski stated.

"Proven Penguin, Proven Leader," Private and Kowalski together said.

"Short, catchy, and substantive," Kowalski proclaimed.

"I like it," Skipper said. "Good work, boys. Now Kowalski, go and rig up that TV signal-jamming contraption while Private and I make up some signs and stickers with our new slogan on them."

Kowalski then waddled over to his laboratory table and began planning out how he would create the broadcast signal interrupter. As he did this, Skipper and Private worked at the table creating several political yard signs and stickers to be placed both inside and outside of Marlene's habitat, as well as outside of the penguins' habitat. Among the signs and stickers that Skipper and Private made up were ones that read "Re-elect Penguin Leader Skipper," "Skipper: Proven Penguin, Proven Leader," and "Vote Grand Old Penguin." Some of the signs were brightly colored, while others were blue and white and had a photograph of Skipper on them. All of the signs, in order to comply with campaign finance law, had a notice in small font at the bottom, reading "Paid for by Skipper 2009, Private J. Dualdek, Treasurer."

"I really think that these signs and stickers came out great, Private," Skipper said as he looked at them. "But do you know what we still need?"

"What?" Private asked.

"We need to create some campaign buttons, too," Skipper said.

"Good idea," Private replied. "Hey, Skipper, what would Rico say if he were here right now?"

"Yay, buttons!" Skipper and Private shouted together as they got started on designing a few of them.

Once they had completed making all of the campaign materials, Skipper placed the buttons inside of a bag to be handed out later. He and Private then left the HQ holding many signs and stickers in their flippers, leaving Kowalski alone to continue his work on the signal interrupter. Once that they saw that the coast was clear and there were no humans around, Skipper and Private began placing some of the signs on the outside of their habitat, then waddled over to Marlene's to place some on the outside of hers. They then began to place some signs on the inside of Marlene's habitat. Since Marlene was still asleep on her rock, Skipper and Private tried to be as quiet as they could, but when Skipper went to stick some of the stickers he had with him on Marlene's rock, she suddenly awoke.

"Aaahh!" she screamed as she was woken up once again.

"Just a little politicking, Marlene," Skipper said. "Nothing to be frightened of."

"Oh, and you brought your little campaign staffer with you, too," Marlene quipped as she noticed that Private was also there. "Kowalski couldn't make it?"

"Kowalski has bigger plans for our campaign," Skipper said. "You'll see them in, say, 45 minutes to an hour."

"Great," Marlene said sarcastically. "Now seeing that I'm not going to be able to get back to sleep, I think I'll go watch some TV inside."

"Now that's the best idea I've heard all day," Skipper said, happy that Marlene was going to watch TV, and thus, would soon be seeing Skipper's political ads once Kowalski got his contraption hooked up.

"But I thought my idea to recruit a tiebreaking voter was the best idea you heard all day," Private complained to Skipper.

"Save it for tomorrow, Private," Skipper whispered back. "We are campaign operatives – complementing the voter is part of the game."

"Hey, Marlene, are you doing something new with your fur?" Private asked, trying to give Marlene a complement to impress Skipper. "It just looks so nice and silky today."

Marlene raised an eyebrow.

"It's a good thing I like you guys," she remarked as she walked away to begin watching TV.

Skipper and Private spent a few more minutes placing signs and stickers inside of Marlene's habitat, then they waddled on back to the HQ to check on Kowalski's progress on the TV signal interrupter.

"Brilliant," Skipper said to Kowalski upon first seeing the device. "Oh, the things you can do with a blender – there's a thing of beauty about it, I tell you what."

"Thank you, Skipper," Kowalski said. "I took the liberty of setting-up a video camera on a tripod over in the corner already. Shall we test our method of madness?"

"Most definitely," Skipper said as he waddled over to the camera.

"We go live in five, four, three, two, one," Kowalski counted down, pointing his flipper to Skipper after the count.

Suddenly, as Lucy was about to ask Ricky if she could buy a new hat on an episode of "I Love Lucy" that was airing on Marlene's TV, Skipper appeared for a few seconds waiving a flipper. Then, just as strangely and mysteriously as he came onto the screen, Skipper disappeared from it; Lucy had been denied her hat, again.

"Was that a success?" Skipper asked when the test was through.

"The playback proves it, sir," Kowalski replied.

"So, what's the range on this thing anyway?" Skipper asked.

"Limited to only TVs within 250 feet," Kowalski answered. "But you should be on every channel the way I've worked it, including cable and satellite."

"Very well," Skipper said. "Now let's work together and think up the script for my first ad."

Skipper, Kowalski, and Private then sat around the table and discussed ideas for the first ad. They decided to wait until a later ad to use the "Proven Penguin, Proven Leader" slogan, and instead to go for something a bit more hard-hitting for the first one.

Once they came up with a script that they all thought would work, Kowalski waddled over to the camera to get ready to go live. Not long after, Skipper came over and stood in front of the camera. When Kowalski got to the end of his countdown, Skipper began to broadcast his first campaign ad.

"_It's 3 a.m. and the animals of the zoo are safe and asleep. But there's a phone in the zoovenir shop and it's ringing – something's happening in the world. Could it be a wrong number? Could it be the start of nuclear war? Shouldn't who answers that phone be a penguin who has looked after the zoo for years? One who not only can tell the difference between a wrong number and nuclear war, but one who has the right plans for both? Yes. Skipper: Answering the call._

"_Hey, I'm Skipper, and I approve this message."_

Over at her habitat, Marlene saw the ad on her TV.

"I knew that I saw Skipper on TV a little while ago, and this proves it," she commented to herself as the ad ended. "I bet that this was done with one of Kowalski's inventions. And, even though I never knew that he had any, I do wonder what Skipper's plans for nuclear war are."

Meanwhile, over at the lemur habitat, Julien just happened to be watching TV as well, and thus, also saw the ad broadcast by Skipper.

"Maurice! Maurice!" Julien called out when the ad ended. "That silly penguin rival of mine was just on TV!"

"Are you sure that you're not having another lychee nut episode, your majesty?" Maurice asked, chalking up what the king had seen as pure hallucination. "The penguins don't have a TV station. Perhaps you were watching Animal Planet."

"I know what I saw, Maurice," Julien responded. "Here, I'll rewind the TiVo and you can see for yourself."

Julien rewound the TiVo recording and played Skipper's ad for Maurice.

"You see, Maurice?" Julien asked. "I take just a short break from preparing for tonight's debate and I see that flightless bird trying to one-up me by running an ad on TV."

"Well, why don't you just run an ad to counter Skipper's?" Maurice suggested.

"Oh, and just how are we going to do that?" Julien asked, critical. "Do you have a secret television studio? Do tell."

"No, but we can go over to see how the penguins did it," Maurice said.

"Well, I suppose," Julien said. "But I am a bit disappointed about you not having a secret television studio. You'll need to work on that."

Julien and Maurice then began to leave for the penguins' habitat, but not wanting to be left alone, Mort tagged along as well. As the lemurs approached the penguins' habitat, Julien saw several of the campaign signs in support of Skipper outside.

"Oh, would you just look at this one with that flightless bird's smiling mug on it," Julien said, critical of one of the signs that had Skipper's photo on it. "Give me a pen, Maurice."

Maurice looked around on the ground for a pen, and he just so happened to find a somewhat-leaky black one, which he handed to Julien.

"There we go," Julien said as he drew a mustache coming from Skipper's bill. "Not so clean-cut now, are you? Ha, ha!"

The lemurs then continued along and entered into the penguins' HQ. Once inside, Julien went over to Skipper, who was at the table planning out another TV ad with Kowalski and Private.

"Do you really think you're going to win, penguin?" Julien asked. "I just saw your ad, and let me tell you, I haven't seen a bird say so little on TV since I last saw a commercial for Chicken McNuggets."

"Watch it, lemur!" Skipper shouted. "I don't eat bird – it's a matter of principle. But I wouldn't mind if _you_ had to eat some crow tonight."

"Yes, whatever," Julien said, dismissing what Skipper had said. "But you must tell me how you did your TV ad and let me run one, too."

"Never!" Skipper declared. "Find your own way, lemur!"

"Unfortunately, Skipper, as your Attorney General, I need to again inform you of the law," Kowalski told his commander. "Section 315 of the Communications Act of 1934, better known as the 'equal-time rule,' requires broadcast stations to treat legally qualified political candidates equally in terms of access to airtime and advertising."

"Which means?" Skipper asked.

"It means that since we broadcast an ad for you for free, we legally must also allow Julien to run an ad for free as well," Kowalski clarified.

"But Kowalski," Skipper argued, "since we're already violating one law by illegally jamming TV signals, what's one more?"

"Oh, are you afraid you might lose, silly penguin?" Julien jumped in and asked.

"No, but I'm just getting tired of all these laws that seem to be stacked against me today," Skipper replied. "Fine, you can get your one TV ad, but then go home."

Julien then walked with Maurice and Mort over to the other side of the room to discuss how to counter Skipper's ad. Maurice suggested that they directly attack the theme of the one Skipper had done by presenting another angle to it. Once the lemurs had come up with the ad for Julien, the king walked over to Kowalski to ask to be put on the air.

"You, smart-but-still-undeniably-silly bird," Julien said, "let me go on TV."

Kowalski then led Julien over to the video camera, and although he felt bad that he had to do so, gave Julien the countdown to go live. Once Kowalski got to zero, Julien spoke his ad.

"_It's 3 a.m. and you're safe and asleep. But there's a phone ringing in the zoovenir shop, and you've woken up because of it. As Penguin Leader, I will restore your sleepy time by taking that darn thing off the hook at night. I am the king!"_

Just like her watching of "I Love Lucy" had been interrupted with Skipper's ad earlier, the episode of "Seinfeld" that Marlene was currently watching was broken into when Julien broadcast his ad.

"Maybe I was wrong to think that watching TV would be a good way to peacefully pass the time," she said when the ad ended. "I wish now that my CD player worked so I could listen to my Billy Joel and Phil Vassar CDs."

Meanwhile, Alice was making her rounds around the penguin habitat when she noticed the many political signs put up outside of it in support of Skipper. She went up to one which had Skipper's photo on it and pulled it up to take a closer look at it.

"What is this, some kind of a joke?" she asked out loud as she read it. "Why is the photo of one of our penguins on this sign? Who is Skipper? And why does he have a treasurer named Private J. Dualdek?"

Another zookeeper then came by after hearing Alice yelling to herself.

"Everything OK here, Alice?" the male co-worker asked.

"Everything's OK, but things are a little strange around here," Alice replied as she handed her colleague the Skipper sign that she was holding. "Some nut out there made a bunch of these signs as a joke, suggesting that our penguins vote to pick their leader. I remember how silly it was when I found one – just one – John McCain sticker stuck to the sign by the elephant exhibit last year, but this is something else entirely."

"Well, I'd vote for Skipper," the other zookeeper joked with a smile. "Although I don't really care much for his mustache."

"Oh, come on!" Alice shouted. "I seriously don't get paid enough to put up with your jokes and certainly not enough to go around and collect signs for some 'penguin election.' I can't wait to go home."

As her co-worker walked away chuckling, Alice continued to pull up the Skipper signs to be thrown away.

Concurrently, over at the penguins' HQ, Julien felt to himself that he ought to run another ad on TV to better his chance of receiving Marlene's vote. After quietly talking to Maurice for a few minutes, Julien suddenly ran over to the video camera and, since he had remembered how Kowalski had operated it, simply turned it on and began to broadcast without first asking any of the penguins for permission.

"_The eagle: America's symbol soaring above the fruited plain. The owl: The raider of the night sky. The flamingo: Well, it's pink. The penguin? Flightless. This bird can't fly, and neither does his politics. Rise above. Vote lemur. Vote King Julien on Tuesday, November 3. I'm King Julien, and I approve this message."_

"Ring-tail!" Skipper shouted as Julien completed his broadcast. "What ever happened to us letting you run _one_ ad?"

"Oh, my bad," Julien said as he grinned corruptly and scurried out of the HQ with the other two lemurs.

After the lemurs had left, Kowalski approached Skipper.

"You know, sir, the law does work both ways," he said. "Just invoke your rights under Section 315 and run another ad yourself."

"But what could we focus a counter-ad on?" Skipper asked. "I'm not ashamed of being a penguin, but there's just no equivalent comeback to being called 'flightless.'"

"Oh, I wouldn't say that there's nothing," Kowalski replied as he clapped his flippers to get Private's attention. "Private, bring me File 13."

Private waddled over to a filing cabinet and pulled out the file, which was dusty and had a "top-secret" red seal on it. He blew off the dust and then brought the folder over to Kowalski, who then broke the seal and opened it.

"I took these photos when we were in Madagascar – I never knew why, but I had a feeling that they might be of use someday," Kowalski said as he handed Skipper the three photos. "Do you understand what's happening in them?"

"I do," Skipper replied. "It seems that our nutty ring-tailed neighbor doesn't know how to swim."

"Indeed," Kowalski said. "I believe it's equivalent to being called 'flightless.' Shall we interrupt Marlene's TV show with a special report?"

"Freedom of the press is a beautiful thing," Skipper replied. "Let's get on the air."

Skipper and Kowalski then again approached the video camera. After Kowalski had hit the button to go live, he stepped out in front of the camera first.

"_We interrupt this broadcast to bring you breaking news about the King Which is Me Party candidate for Penguin Leader, King Julien. And now to deliver this special news report, the anchor of Penguin-TV News, Skipper."_

Kowalski then moved out of the way so Skipper could make his report. As Skipper went in front of the camera, he held up the photos of Julien being unable to swim in Madagascar and flipped through them as he spoke.

"_My friends, it has come to our attention that the so-called 'King' Julien, who makes a hobby out of mocking penguins for our inability to fly, is himself with a handicap. The photos which I am now displaying for you show the ring-tailed royal not only donned in distasteful swimwear, but unable to even swim in the first place. As you can see in the third photo, the monarch's right-hand man, Maurice, can be seen rescuing his king from a watery doom. Now, don't get me wrong – I support Maurice for rescuing Julien, but let's not neglect the fact that the king himself cannot do something which penguins are experts in. Thus, I ask that you see the hypocrisy and know the truth. So when you vote later – Marlene, that means you – vote for me, Skipper. Not only am I a proven penguin and a proven leader, but I'm a proven swimmer, too! I'm Skipper, and I approve this message. That is all. Good afternoon and good fortune."_

At Marlene's habitat, her TV was again interrupted by Skipper's second broadcast. While her watching of "I Love Lucy" had been briefly interrupted before, this was the third time that the "Seinfeld" episode Marlene was trying to watch had been broken into, and she was becoming frustrated.

"Come on, Skipper! I just want to know if Elaine is ever able to get rid of all of those muffin tops – is that too much to ask?!" Marlene yelled at the TV.

Meanwhile, unaware of Marlene's growing displeasure with all of the campaigning that she had been subjected to already, the penguins and lemurs were separately plotting their own final campaign tactics. For Skipper and the penguins, it was a telephone call; for Julien and the lemurs, it was designing campaign buttons.

"Maurice, I have thought of the best idea for my buttons," Julien called down from his throne. "I want to use my royal portrait that you painted on them; I look so good and manly in it. I also look great right now, but I still want to use the painting."

"Very well, your majesty, I'll have Mort use the computer to crop the image down so it will fit on the buttons," Maurice said. "Do you want your buttons to say anything on them as well, or do you just want your picture on them?"

"Yes, have them all say 'Vote King Julien for Penguin Leader – he is the most handsome lemur king that has ever been, and yet he is humble, gracious, and even has a terrific hairstyle,'" Julien replied.

"Your majesty, I don't think that's all going to fit on there," Maurice informed his king.

"Fine," Julien said as he let out a sigh. "Have them read 'Let freedom ring – vote for a ring-tail' instead."

"You know, your majesty," Maurice stated, "that really is good."

Around this same time, Skipper was discussing his phone call idea with Private.

"I think something related to fiscal policy should be the subject of Operation: Phone Call," Skipper said. "Private, since you're my Secretary of the Treasury, how would you like to be the one to make the call?"

"I'd be happy to, sir, but what angle of fiscal policy should we go with?" Private inquired.

"I was thinking something suggesting that Julien would raise taxes," Skipper replied.

"But Skipper," Private spoke up, "animals don't have to pay taxes."

"Tell that to Manfredi and Johnson and their shoddy preparations of Form 1040," Skipper stated. "The feds made a casserole out of those poor, poor gentlemen."

"Really?" Private asked.

"No, not really," Skipper replied.

"So, about the phone call, then?" Private wondered.

"How about you just make a general get-out-the-vote push," Skipper suggested. "And, Private, do it with a smile."

After thinking it over for a few moments, Private picked up the telephone receiver and dialed Marlene's number. When she picked up, Private spoke his message.

"_Hi, my name is Private, and I'm a volunteer calling on behalf of the Skipper 2009 campaign._

_"Election Day is today, and Skipper is the only candidate with the experience we can trust to lead the elite penguin force of the Central Park Zoo into the future. The race is shaping up to be extremely close, and your vote will make the difference. Please remember to vote today, and when you do, vote Skipper. Proven Penguin. Proven Leader._

_"Thank you for your time. This call was paid for by Skipper 2009."_

No sooner than Marlene hung up the phone, Julien and the other lemurs entered into her habitat.

"Hello, other neighbor!" Julien said as he walked in. "Or should I say _otter_ neighbor?"

"You need something, too?" Marlene asked, a little frustrated, as she clicked off her TV with the remote.

"No, I don't need anything, but you do," Julien said as pulled out one of his campaign buttons and approached Marlene with it.

After he had opened the pin on the back, he began to advance its sharp point towards Marlene's chest, but he stopped a few inches short of actually poking it into Marlene's body.

"Just kidding," he said. "I wouldn't really poke the pin on this button into you. Maybe I'd do it to Mort, but not to you."

"Well, that's a relief," Marlene said as she held out her hand to instead take the button from Julien.

"So, what have you been up to this afternoon?" Julien then asked Marlene.

"Trying to watch TV mostly, but the ads you and Skipper keep breaking into my signal with are starting to bug me," she replied. "I couldn't even follow the plot of the 'Seinfeld' episode I was trying to watch – now I'll have to wait a while before it comes on again so I can find out where those muffin tops ended up."

"Oh, Elaine hires Newman to eat them at the end," Maurice suddenly walked over and informed her. "I've seen that one five times."

Suddenly, Skipper, Kowalski, and Private entered Marlene's habitat via the manhole in her floor. As they began walking over to where Marlene and the lemurs were, Julien walked over to Skipper.

"Hello, Skipper," he said smugly.

"Hello, Julien," replied Skipper in the same fashion as he began making his way over to Marlene, the bag filled with his own campaign buttons he carried with him.

"Marlene, would you like an official Skipper 2009 campaign button?" he asked her as he reached into his bag and pulled one out and handed it to her. "No charge."

"Skipper, who is Mitt Romney?" Marlene asked, puzzled by the button she had been given.

"Oh, sorry," Skipper said as he took the button back. "That one is from my own personal collection. I forgot it was in that bag."

Skipper then handed Marlene another button.

"Who is James K. Polk?" she then asked as she looked at the new button.

"James Knox Polk was the 11th President of the United States, serving from 1845 until 1849," Kowalski suddenly spoke up.

"No, this button literally says 'Who is James K. Polk?' on it," Marlene said.

"Ah, that one is from _my _personal historical collection," Kowalski said. "In the 1844 Presidential Election, the Whigs used 'Who is James K. Polk?' as somewhat of a slogan against him because Polk was not well-known at the time. He still won, though."

"Kowalski!" Skipper suddenly shouted. "We're not here for history class, my friend. If Marlene really wants to learn more about President Polk, she can go to Wikipedia on her own time."

"Excuse me, Skipper," Marlene spoke up, "but _this is_ my time! This is _my_ house, so all of the time here is mine! Please, I don't mean to yell, but you do understand that I do have a legitimate point here, right?"

"OK, Marlene, we'll go," Skipper said. "See you at 1800 hours?"

"That's 6 p.m., right?" Marlene asked.

"Indeed it is," Skipper replied.

"All right, but not another single act of campaigning until the debate, OK?" she asked. "Julien, that goes for you, too."

"Very well," Julien said.

"Deal," Skipper agreed. "Now go have some fun watching TV until then. I hear there's this cool new show on Nickelodeon with penguins in it, but I've never been around to catch it myself."

Private then reached into Skipper's bag and pulled out one of the actual Skipper campaign buttons, which he then began to hold his flipper out to give to Marlene before Skipper stopped him.

"No more bothering Marlene with campaigning," Skipper told him. "At least not until 1800."

With that, Skipper led his men and Julien led his subjects out of Marlene's habitat. The debate was just a short few hours away.

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

**PART TWO: **_**ENDORSEMENTS**_

As the penguins and lemurs went their separate ways after leaving Marlene's habitat, Skipper thought that he knew a good way to kill the last remaining hours until the debate.

"I've got one more trick up my sleeve – if I had sleeves – to try to win this election," Skipper told his team-minus-one. "If I could get the endorsements of a few other animals, it would show the widespread support that I have."

"Sounds good, Skipper," Private said. "How much time do we have until 1800?"

Kowalski then aligned his right flipper with the sun and began to analyze.

"Judging from the present afternoon solar position, I'd have to say that we have exactly two hours, six minutes, and 51.4 seconds until 1800," Kowalski stated.

Kowalski then glanced down at his watch.

"And my watch says the same thing, only with the seconds portion now down to 44.3," Kowalski said. "So, where are we off to, Skipper?"

"Let's go pay Roger a visit," Skipper replied.

The three then descended down the nearest sewer manhole and followed the pipes north until they caught up with their alligator friend.

"Hey, so good to see you guys again," Roger said as he saw the penguins coming towards him. "Can I interest you in another singing lesson?"

"Sorry, not this time, Roger," Skipper told him. "We're a man down in the quartet today, but we'll drop in again to do some singing soon. Right now, since today's Election Day, I'm actually running for re-election as leader of my group of penguins. But this morning, Julien – you know, the guy you sent running over at Marlene the otter's place – decided to challenge me, and a series of events has led to me and my men to having to do a lot of campaigning so far today."

"Julien, you mean that guy in the funny hat?" Roger asked as he chuckled. "He's got nothin' on you, man. I'll support you."

"Glad to hear that, Roger," Skipper said. "Now you can't vote, but how would you like to come out to a debate I'm having against Julien at 6 p.m.? It's over at the zoo's souvenir store."

"Ooh, I'm there," Roger replied.

"Great," Skipper said as he reached into his bag for a campaign button, making sure it was indeed one of his own this time. "Care for a button?"

Roger took the button from Skipper and pinned it on his chest, right through his skin.

"Herbert Clark Hoover, man!" Kowalski exclaimed. "Does that not hurt?"

"Really thick skin," Roger said as he pointed at his scales. "It's actually not as bad as ya think."

"Uh-huh," Private said in a somewhat-puzzled way.

"Well, we best be going to collect more endorsements," Skipper said. "Thanks again, Rog."

"Sure thing, Skipper," Roger said as the penguins began climbing up a nearby ladder up to the surface.

When they came out up above, they were in the middle of the street in front of the zoo, so Skipper had Kowalski and Private line up on the yellow line that divided the road.

"Private, why did the penguins cross the road?" Skipper asked.

"To get to the other side?" Private figured.

"Wrong answer," Skipper declared. "Kowalski, why did the penguins cross the road?"

Kowalski pulled out his abacus from nowhere and began sliding some of the beads around, concluding nothing.

"I've got nothing," Kowalski said.

"OK, OK, the penguins crossed the road to – drum roll, please – get to the 'moon cat' on the other side," Skipper said. "On my mark, execute the aforementioned punch line. Three, two, one, cross!"

The three then waddled their way across the street and proceeded to the back of the building that was located there, where they found their cat friend, Max, on top of a dumpster.

"How goes it, moon cat?" Skipper greeted as he and the other two approached Max. "Find anything good in that dumpster? No chicken or turkey I hope."

"No, ever since you guys gave me that can of anchovies, I've really gotten into fish," Max replied.

"Good man!" Skipper said, happy that his feline friend wasn't eating bird.

"In fact, there's this couple who just moved into the building from Japan, and they make sushi every Wednesday night," Max said. "They throw all their scraps into this dumpster, and I eat them. I can't stop thinkin' about tomorrow!"

Max then looked over at the other penguins and noticed that Rico was absent.

"Where's Rico today?" Max asked. "I didn't eat him, I swear!"

"Rico is stuck in a room over at the zoo's veterinary station," Private informed him. "We're not sure when he'll be able to get out."

"Well, that's too bad," Max said. "So, what brings the rest of you guys to my alley?"

"Well, as you may know, today's Election Day," Kowalski began. "Lots of humans around the country are voting today, mostly for municipal offices, but there is an election going on at the zoo, too. Skipper is looking for another term as Penguin Leader."

"That's right, Max," Skipper said. "But only this time I'm not running unopposed. Julien the lemur, whom you may recall was the one jumping like a madman inside his bounce house when we tried hiding you in it when that animal control nutcase was after you, decided to challenge me this morning."

"A lemur running for Penguin Leader?" Max questioned. "That's strange."

"It's also legal under our Constitution, I unfortunately learned," Skipper said. "But rather than continue to bore you with details, might I ask if you'd be interested in coming to a debate between me and Julien later? It's at 6:00 over at the zoo's souvenir store. You can't vote in the election, but you're welcome to come out."

"Well, is it safe there?" Max asked.

"We penguins pride ourselves on keeping the zoo safe and in order," Skipper replied. "But if that lemur wins, I couldn't say the same thing about him."

"Oh, you don't need to convince me to support you, Skipper," Max said, "I already know and have seen that you're a good guy."

"So, should we save a chair for you?" Skipper asked.

"Sure, I'll come over," Max replied. "I guess it's the least I can do after all you've done for me and since I once tried to microwave Private."

"Huh?" Private whimpered.

"Ah, so you were having trouble with the radiation levels of your teleportation machine that night?" Kowalski asked.

"Yes, trouble," Max said, not having the heart to tell his friends that he had once considered them a buffet item. "That's exactly what it was. Yup."

Skipper then reached into his bag to get a button.

"I'm not exactly sure where you could put it," Skipper said, "but here's a button you can have."

"Oh, I have this piece of string that I could put it on, then I'll tie it around my neck and wear it to the debate," Max said as he accepted the button. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, moon cat," Skipper said. "You know, if Rico was here, I'd have him give you another can of fish, but seeing as he isn't, how about you drop by the HQ in a half hour and join us for some smoked salmon?"

"That would be great," Max said. "Thanks, and I'll see you then."

With that, Skipper led his team-minus-one back to the HQ to get ready for Max's visit.

About 25 minutes later, Max began his walk over to the penguins' HQ, but he briefly ran into an unexpected delay along the way. Julien, it turned out, just so happened to be walking in the opposite direction en route to get some popcorn, and when he crossed paths with Max, the king stopped him to take a look at the button he was wearing around his neck.

"Where did you get that button?" Julien asked.

"Skipper came by my alley and invited me to the debate," Max replied, recognizing who he was talking to and feeling no need to lie. "He gave me the button because I support him in the election. Though I can't vote in it, I know Skipper is a good guy. I don't know you too well."

"Very well," Julien said. "You're free to go now."

As Max continued on to see the penguins for a fish feast, Julien decided that his desire for victory was of a greater importance than his desire for popcorn, so he turned around to go back to his habitat to get some of his own campaign buttons.

"Trying to get the endorsements of other animals, aren't you, flightless bird?" Julien muttered to himself as he walked along. "Well, two can play at that game."

After getting a few buttons, Julien set off to ask other animals in the zoo if they would pledge their allegiance to him and come out to the debate to show their support. Unfortunately for him, things didn't go too smoothly.

First, he went to see Joey, but the kangaroo replied to his offer with a swift kick in the face. He then sought the support of Bada and Bing, but they threw him out of their habitat – and a good 10 yards more. The elephant and flamingo declined non-violently, but the porcupines rejected Julien with a copious amount of quills to the torso. Feeling no love, and not much of anything where he had been numbed from the beatings, the deflated lemur king climbed down into the sewer and searched for the sewer rats, but he knew that getting their support was a long shot. He hoped for the best, expected the worst, and prayed that the sky spirits would let him walk out with his skin.

It didn't take very long until the rat king and his minions spotted Julien and came running aggressively towards him.

"Whoa, you're not supposed to be here!" the rat king shouted as he approached Julien. "You can play pretend all you want in your silly little kingdom, but down here is my jungle. You dig?"

"I'd like to give you something," Julien then told the jumbo-sized rat.

"Look out, rats, he's got hockey pucks!" the rat king yelled as he began to run away. "Run! Run! It's every rat for himself!"

"No, I have no hockey pucks," Julien declared. "All I have are campaign buttons."

The rats then returned back over to Julien to see what their uninvited guest had for them, and Julien handed the rat king a button.

"I'm running against this penguin named Skipper in an election at the zoo later today," Julien said. "I was wondering if you'd wear these buttons to support me. You can't vote, but you can come to a debate I'm having with the flightless bird later."

"You're running against _that penguin_?" the rat king asked, heavily emphasizing on the contempt he felt for Skipper.

"Yes," Julien replied.

"Well, brother rat, we have got your back," the rat king declared.

"Actually, I'm a lemur," Julien corrected.

"A lemur?!" the rat king asked. "I thought you said you were in politics?"

"Yes, but I'm still a lemur," Julien said. "The debate is at 6:00 at the zoo's souvenir store."

"We'll be there," the rat king affirmed. "I can't wait to see that penguin brought down a peg or two."

Julien then gave the other rats buttons, then he climbed out of the sewer and began to walk back to his kingdom. He planned to have Maurice pull out the porcupine quills while he gave himself a nice kingly foot rub, and boy did he need one.


	4. The Debate Debacle

The clock read 1732, 5:32 p.m. for those not using military time, and Skipper and Julien were currently meeting with Mason at the chimpanzee exhibit. They had asked him if he would moderate the debate, which he agreed to, and Mason was now finishing up on reviewing the rules of the forum with Skipper and Julien.

"And the last rule calls for Marlene to ask each of you a question, or the same question to both of you, during the final portion of the debate," Mason said. "If there are no further additions, deletions, or revisions necessary to the rules we have established together, please sign and initial your copies of them. And make sure to thank Phil later for typing them up."

With the fair and balanced rules that they had all come up with, neither Skipper nor Julien could think of any objections. Julien then signed his copy and initialed with "JJJ," while Skipper signed his, initialing with "SJF." The two competitors then handed their signed rules to Mason.

"Thank you, and good luck to both of you," Mason said. "I'm going to go over to the zoovenir shop now to set-up. I'll see you guys at 6:00, and don't be late."

As Mason left, Skipper and Julien just quietly stared at each other for a few moments until Julien broke the silence.

"You know, penguin, there's really no point of having this debate to get Marlene's vote," Julien stated. "After all, Marlene's not going to vote for you when she can vote for me, whom she loves. You do remember Central Park, don't you?"

"Yeah, I remember," Skipper said. "I remember that me and my men had to save your tail – again. But don't you remember that Marlene was nuts out in the park? I seem to recall a certain otter wanting nothing to do with courting you and exclaiming 'ew, ew' at the thought of such once her sanity came back. Kudos to her for turning you down."

"You're just jealous that she picked me and not you," Julien declared.

"It's so like you to put your own warped spin on what really happened in Central Park," Skipper stated. "Marlene picked you then because she was crazy, just like you. But with a clear mind, she's going to pick me. For her vote tonight, I mean."

"Well, I have more important things to do than chew the cud with you here," Julien said abruptly as he began to leave.

"You mean 'chew the fat,' but yes, I have better things to do, too," Skipper said as he began to leave as well, though he exited from the other side of the chimp exhibit to avoid Julien.

Skipper then went back to the HQ to spend a few minutes with his team-minus-one before the debate, as did Julien at his kingdom with his subjects. When it was just a few minutes before 6:00, both Skipper and Julien were escorted by their respective entourages to the zoovenir shop. Both competitors then entered through separate doors, their most loyal walking alongside them.

When Skipper and his staff got to the front of the room, he thanked them and then waddled up to his podium. Kowalski and Private then took their seats in the audience, which Roger had saved for them with his tail. But when Julien was about to walk away from the other lemurs and go to his podium, Maurice pulled his arm to bring him back for just a moment.

"Just one quick tip for the debate, your majesty," Maurice said. "Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it."

"And what exactly does all of that fancy babble mean, Maurice?" Julien asked.

"Well, the guy who first suggested the theory was a nutcase, but it basically means that the ends justify the means," Maurice stated. "In other words, the only way you're going to win this debate is to go after whatever Skipper says. You need to attack him relentlessly."

Julien nodded, then made his way to his podium for the debate.

At precisely 6 p.m., Mason approached the moderator's desk, which was set-up facing the audience and located between the two podiums where Skipper and Julien stood. He banged a gavel four times to call the debate to order.

"Ladies and gentlemen – or rather, Marlene and gentlemen – welcome to the first and only debate for Penguin Leader of the Central Park Zoo," Mason opened with. "On the left, incumbent Penguin Leader Skipper J. Fidelis, the nominee of the Grand Old Penguin Party. On the right, challenger His Majesty King Julien XIII, the nominee of the King Which is Me Party. The candidates have agreed to the format for this debate, which includes the following rules: Each candidate shall be permitted to make a brief opening and closing statement; the moderator shall ask each candidate the same four questions, whereupon each response will be limited to two minutes with an additional 30-second rebuttal if granted by the moderator; each candidate shall be permitted to ask two questions to the other candidate during the second portion of the debate; Marlene shall be permitted to ask each candidate one question, or the same question for both candidates, during the third portion of the debate."

Mason then took a sip of water.

"The order of who shall go first for the opening statement and questions of the debate has been predetermined by coin toss backstage," Mason said. "Skipper, the floor is yours."

"Folks, I'm not one–" Skipper began before being interrupted by a heckler.

"Boo!" the rat king yelled in objection from the audience.

"Another outburst and you will be removed from the gallery," Mason declared to the obnoxious rat as he banged his gavel. "Skipper, please try to begin again."

"Folks, I'm not one for sappy speeches, but I am one for truth," Skipper began again. "In May of 1996, after some time traveling the world, I suddenly found myself here at the Central Park Zoo alone. Throughout the next few months, the team which I now lead came one by one to join me. As the most senior penguin, I was looked up to by my three colleagues and served as their _de facto_ leader until I was officially voted the first elected Penguin Leader of the Central Park Zoo on November 4, 1997.

"From that point forward, I knew that I had a good group of men who could be relied upon to tackle any task, so since my election as Penguin Leader also made me commander-in-chief of the Army and Navy of the zoo's penguin population, I decided to draw upon some of my own past experiences and train my colleagues to take up the role of a semi-military unit. I appointed myself as a drill sergeant and trained my three recruits, who all soon advanced in rank: Kowalski to first lieutenant, Rico to staff sergeant, Private to private first class, and even I to captain.

"Thus, it goes without saying that for 12 years I have had the honor and privilege of commanding a fine bird brigade, an outstanding penguin platoon, an elite flightless force. I genuinely believe that it takes the strength and talents of the four of us to be an effective unit; we know how to work together and get things done. And that is why, Marlene, I need your vote tonight so that I can remain Penguin Leader. It is important that I remain in command not so much for my own advantage, but so that the stability and integrity of the unit can be preserved.

"It is worthy of mention that I do not consider my opponent in this race to be an evil man. He is, however, often misguided, occasionally delusional, and always unpredictable. While we have helped each other in the past – and I hope we can again in the future – too often once the cooperation is over, the ring-tail reverts to type. Such unpredictability would be undesirable in the office of Penguin Leader.

"I thank the moderator, and I yield the floor."

"Thank you, Skipper," Mason said as Skipper finished his remarks. "Julien, you may now make your opening statement."

"Rather than make an opening statement, I wish instead to make an opening observation," Julien said, remembering how Maurice had told him to go after Skipper ruthlessly.

Julien then pointed at Skipper.

"I cannot understand why you praise your team so much in your opening statement when it's true that you hate them," Julien suddenly accused.

"That is about – no, it is – the worst thing anyone has ever accused me of," Skipper strongly declared. "It is also the most false, and you know it."

"Then why do you slap them around all the time?" Julien asked.

"It's just something I do," Skipper replied. "They all know that I don't really mean anything by it. Sure, we disagree sometimes, but I can assure you that I have nothing but respect for my team members. They're always there in the clutch."

"Liar!" Julien shouted.

"I would just like to remind the candidates that this type of discourse is not part of the format agreed to," Mason then stated.

"When my loyalty to my men is questioned by a desperate opponent, I don't care what the format calls for," Skipper declared. "For the majority of my life, I have been friends – no, brothers – with Kowalski, Rico, and Private. None of us are actually related, but I'm not concerned with the science of it; I have three brothers, and they all have me."

"Would you die for your men?" Mason jumped in with a question, attempting to at least bring the debate to the question-and-answer portion.

"Yes," Skipper declared. "Although I, of course, would much rather be alive with them."

"And you, Julien?" Mason asked of the other candidate.

"I would be happy to make tie-dye T-shirts with any lemur or penguin any day," Julien replied.

"You know, I ought to waddle over there and slap you," Skipper declared to his opponent. "And for the first time, I'd actually mean it. You know nothing about how the real world works, and I'm sorry to say that you probably never will."

"Oh, tough words from a birdbrain!" Julien shot back.

Everyone in the room then began to realize that the debate was about to get even more out of hand, (or _out of flipper_, as the case was for Skipper).

"You know what's scarier than you being the so-called 'King Julien XIII'?" Skipper looked at Julien and asked.

"What?" Julien wondered.

"That there were 12 King Juliens before you!" Skipper exclaimed.

"Well, there is only one reason for a penguin to be in politics," Julien pointed at Skipper and accused. "You must be part of the vast right-flipper conspiracy!"

"You are a lower mammal!" Skipper shouted at Julien.

"You are a silly penguin!" Julien called out.

"You are an even lower mammal!" Skipper shot back, trying to one-up the king.

"You are a foolish penguin!" Julien exclaimed, continuing the back-and-fourth.

"You're full of hot air!" Skipper declared.

"You can't fly through the air!" Julien yelled.

"You can't swim!" Skipper countered.

"I am king!" Julien argued.

"But you still can't swim!" Skipper shouted, smiling.

"Your bill is too big for your face!" Julien mocked.

"Your brain is too small for your head!" Skipper shot back.

"You don't speak the truth!" Julien accused.

"You can't handle the truth!" Skipper declared.

"Penguin!" Julien shouted pejoratively.

"Lemur!" Skipper shouted back in the same taste.

"Bird!" Julien continued.

"Mammal!" Skipper persisted, not wanting to be outdone by a monarch.

"Lower bird!" Julien continued with.

Skipper then paused for a moment to try to think how far he could go down the biological line.

"Loss for words, penguin?" Julien called out after a few seconds had gone by.

Skipper then remembered how Kowalski had referred to him as a member "of the order Sphenisciformes" earlier. Realizing now that this was probably part of scientific classification, Skipper called over to Kowalski in the audience for assistance.

"Kowalski, can I have ring-tail's biological classification, please?" Skipper asked.

"Kingdom: Animalia," Kowalski called out. "Phylum: Chordata. Class: Mammalia. Order: Primates. Family: Lemuridae. Genus: _Lemur_. Species: _Lemur catta_."

"No help from your staff!" Julien yelled.

"Says who?" Skipper asked, authoritatively.

"Oh, if that's how it's going to be," Julien replied, looking then to Maurice. "Maurice, what's this silly penguin's kingdom and order and phlegm and all that stuff?"

"I think you meant _phylum_, your majesty," Maurice began to reply, "but I don't know any of that kind of information."

"Oh, Maurice," Julien said, disappointed, pointing then at Mort. "Mort?"

"I like phylum!" Mort giggled. "Ha, ha, ha, ha!"

Marlene then stood up.

"You guys are impossible!" she shouted to the two candidates. "This debate is going nowhere and so will my vote if you guys can't be civil!"

She sat back down, but her words didn't provoke any changes of heart.

"Look what you have done, you flightless idiot, you've upset the otter!" Julien then shouted at Skipper. "Have you no shame?"

"Look who's talking, your royal lowness!" Skipper argued back. "This is all your fault."

"My fault? Ha, ha!" Julien said. "It's not my fault that you're flightless."

"Is that your only argument, you ring-tailed royal hack?" Skipper shouted back. "The only thing lower than a lower mammal is your IQ, buddy!"

"Well, I still have better hair than you," Julien declared. "Top that, I dare you."

"That's because I have feathers, you moron!" Skipper shot back.

"That's it, I'm outta here!" Marlene again stood up and shouted. "I've had enough of watching my friends attack each other."

With that, Marlene made her way over to the door of the zoovenir shop and began to exit.

"I ought to just write myself in on the ballot later to teach these guys a lesson," she whispered to herself as she walked out. "In fact, that's exactly what I'll do."

Since he was sitting near the door, Maurice just so happened to overhear Marlene's remarks as she was walking out. He grinned as an idea came to him.

"Hmm," he said to himself. "That gives me an idea."

Just then, at the moderator's desk, Mason banged his gavel a few times to get everyone's attention.

"Ladies and gentlemen – or rather, as Marlene has now left, just gentlemen – since the designated tiebreaking voter has walked out, this debate is now over," he said. "Please walk or waddle home safely and have a pleasant rest of the evening."

As Mason banged his gavel a few more times for good measure, Maurice stood up and walked over to Julien.

"Your majesty, I have some information you might want to know," he quietly told the king. "But come with me into the backroom; I don't want the penguins hearing it."

"Ooh, a backroom deal," Julien said. "Sounds intriguing."

The two then entered the zoovenir shop's backroom, which was out of hearing range of the penguins.

"OK, Maurice, what have you to tell me?" Julien asked.

"Well, when Marlene was walking out, I overheard her say to herself that she was going to write herself in when she votes tonight," Maurice said.

"Well, that does nothing for me, the king," Julien said. "Now I'm going to tie with that silly penguin after all."

"Oh, we can still beat Skipper," Maurice stated. "We now have inside information that the penguins don't have."

"Maurice, I do not have time for all of your nonsense," Julien declared. "Now if you have a plan, I command you to give it to me."

"Well, your majesty, if you, Mort, and I vote for Marlene by also writing her in instead of voting for you, she'll win," Maurice said. "And while you won't win, neither will–"

"Neither will that flightless, feathery, fish-eating bird!" Julien joyfully exclaimed. "There is no outsmarting the king, which is me!"

"Well, I did come up with the plan," Maurice added.

"Yes, my calorie-challenged co-conspirator, but I am king!" Julien declared. "And thus, I choose to use your plan as if it were my own. So what do we do next?"

"Nothing – all that's left to do is wait," Maurice said. "Though someone should probably decide what time we all should meet to vote."

"The king decrees that the time shall be 7:30 tonight," Julien said. "Now go, Maurice, and spread the word to those silly penguins and to the soon-to-be Penguin Leader Marlene. Tell Mort of our plan, but speak not a word of it to anybody else."

With that, Maurice walked over to Mort to tell him of the conspiracy. He then left the zoovenir shop to tell the penguins and Marlene of the time they would all be voting at.

And so it seemed that the fix was in.


	5. Dark Horse

At 7:30 p.m., as had been planned, Marlene and the lemurs came over to the penguins' HQ to vote. Also tagging along were Phil and Mason, who had agreed to be the impartial election judges who would count the votes.

A few minutes after everyone had assembled and been told how the voting machine operated, the actual voting got underway. First to vote was Private, followed by Skipper and then Kowalski; all of the penguins voted for Skipper. The lemurs next took their turns in the voting booth, starting with Julien, followed by Maurice and then Mort; all of the lemurs, as had been planned, voted for Marlene by writing her name on the paper ballot inside of the write-in slot. Last to vote was Marlene, who, while she knew nothing of their actions, wrote herself in just like the lemurs had; Skipper's fate seemed sealed as Marlene exited the voting booth.

"As Rico is trapped, all available voters have now voted," Kowalski told the group as Marlene walked out. "We are thus allowed to now count the votes even though it is not yet 8 p.m."

For the past six elections, Kowalski was the one to count the votes, and he had always counted four for Skipper. As Phil and Mason approached the voting booth and began to open it up to tally the votes, it was the first time ever that Kowalski hadn't been the one to do it.

After a few minutes went by, Skipper thought that he heard Mason ask something like "Are you sure?" to Phil.

"Hey, simians, what's the holdup?" Skipper asked out loud. "Can't you just say that I've won already so this can all be over with?"

"Skipper, it turns out that you, well, didn't win," Mason said as he and Phil walked out.

Skipper immediately turned to Marlene.

"Marlene, how could you?" Skipper asked, presuming that she had voted for Julien.

"Actually, it was Marlene who beat you," Mason informed Skipper.

"Marlene, how could you?" Skipper repeated. "No, wait, really _how_?"

"Well, I can understand if I got one vote because I wrote myself in," Marlene said. "But I have no idea how I won, honest."

Marlene was then silent for a few moments as she tried to process what had just happened and figure out how she had won.

"I am both shocked and honored at my unexpected victory," she then said. "I truly don't know what to make of it."

She then reached out and put a paw on Skipper's back.

"Skipper, I know that you're just as shocked of my victory as I am," she said. "But I promise that I'll treat you and the other penguins right as your new leader."

Skipper, not knowing what to make of Marlene's win either, just stood silently. Kowalski then looked over at Private.

"Private, it's time," he said. "You know that I need to do it within 10 minutes of the votes being counted, no matter who wins."

Private then waddled over to Kowalski's bookshelf and retrieved an old leather-bound copy of the Bible. Though all the penguins shared the book, it really belonged to Kowalski, and had been in his family ever since his great-great-uncle had owned it in Poland.

"Everyone, please gather around for the inaugural ceremony," Kowalski requested. "And Marlene, please come stand in front of me."

Everyone then came over and formed a semi-circle around Kowalski and Marlene.

"As the current Lieutenant Leader, it is a traditional role that I administer the oath of office to the Penguin Leader-elect," Kowalski told Marlene. "Upon completion of the oath, the powers vested in the office of Penguin Leader shall be transferred from Skipper to you, and you may then nominate a new Lieutenant Leader if you so desire. Additionally, once he returns, you will receive protective services from Rico, who serves as a Secret Service officer."

Private then stepped forward and handed the Bible to Kowalski, then resumed his place in the gathering. Standing next to Private was Skipper, who looked a little dumbfounded as to what was about to happen.

"Are you prepared to take the oath, madam otter?" Kowalski asked Marlene.

"Yes, Kowalski, I am," she replied.

"Now raise your right flipper and place your left one on the Bible, Marlene," Kowalski instructed.

"I'm an otter, remember?" Marlene stated.

"Sorry, Marlene," Kowalski responded. "Raise your right _paw_ and place your left one on the Bible and recite the following oath as I prompt you to."

Marlene placed her paws in their respective locations, complying with Kowalski's instructions.

"I, Marlene Christine DeOtter, do solemnly swear," Kowalski prompted, starting the oath.

"I, Marlene Christine DeOtter, do solemnly swear," Marlene replied.

"That I will faithfully execute the Office of Penguin Leader of the Central Park Zoo," Kowalski continued.

"That I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States," Marlene responded.

Kowalski held up a flipper to stop Marlene from reciting the oath.

"Hold up, Marlene," he said. "A bit ambitious, are you? You're not being sworn-in as President of the United States, I'm afraid."

"Sorry, Kowalski," Marlene apologized. "I just misspoke. Yes, that's all."

"Shall we continue, then?" Kowalski asked.

"Let's," Marlene replied, continuing then with the line she had been stopped on. "That I will faithfully execute the Office of Penguin Leader of the Central Park Zoo."

"And will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of United Penguins," Kowalski continued.

"And will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of United Penguins," Marlene responded.

"So help you God?" Kowalski asked.

"So help me–" Marlene began, but she did not complete the last word in the oath.

She was then silent for a few seconds, so Kowalski repeated his question.

"So help you God?" Kowalski asked again.

Again, Marlene did not reply, and instead, she turned her head away from Kowalski and looked over at Skipper, getting a tear in her eye as she saw Skipper just standing there watching. She then turned back to Kowalski.

"No, Kowalski, I decline," Marlene declared.

"Are you sure?" Kowalski asked.

"I am sure," Marlene replied. "I know that I was elected Penguin Leader, but it would be wrong of me to accept this position. I cannot in good conscience take on this role when I know that it never should have been mine in the first place."

"You tricky otter!" Julien then shouted. "I should have known that this was all just a set-up from the start! And to think I voted for you!"

"Julien, you are one of my friends, and you know that I would never do something like that," Marlene walked over to him and said. "I only voted for myself because I was tired of the fighting between you and Skipper, and I was hoping that the two of you could just work it out on your own. If anyone's been part of a set-up, it was you and the other lemurs for voting for me, knowing that I would win."

"You're right, Marlene," Julien said softly. "I'm sorry that I accused you, and I'm sorry for conspiring with my subjects to get you elected. I just did not want Skipper to win, because that would mean that I lost."

"But you did lose," Marlene informed him. "Is it any different because you lost to me? Skipper still got three votes, but you got none."

"I guess I never thought about it that way," Julien replied.

"And just because you can do something doesn't mean that you should," Marlene continued. "You may have been allowed to run for Penguin Leader, but I believe that you really know down in your heart that the position should rightfully belong to Skipper, as do I."

"Again, your otter wisdom shows," Julien said as he began taking off his crown. "Besides, there's no crown for being Penguin Leader like there is when you are king, and I just love this thing. See how it goes with my eyes?"

"Well, there you go, then," Marlene said with a smile. "You get to keep your crown."

"So, is all forgiven?" Julien asked.

"We're good," Marlene replied as she shook Julien's hand. "But please go now and echo what I just spoke to you about with Maurice and Mort."

Julien nodded.

"And now I'm going to go set things right again," Marlene said as she and Julien parted company, Marlene then going over to see Skipper.

"Skipper, I never would have predicted that by voting for myself I would end up taking away your role as Penguin Leader," Marlene told him. "Like I told Julien, I was just hoping that doing so would end the fighting between the two of you, and that you'd both decide together who truly belonged in charge of the penguin force; I hoped all along that it would be you, as I believe that Julien was wrong to challenge you in the first place."

"Please don't blame yourself, Marlene," Skipper said. "You did the least of any of us."

"If I did the least, then who did the most?" Marlene asked.

Skipper paused for a moment.

"Probably Alice," Skipper replied with a smile. "After all, she did take Rico away."

"But I still feel bad for taking it as far as I did," Marlene continued. "I should have declined right after being elected; I never should have come one word in the oath away from becoming Penguin Leader. I almost caused you and your unit to have to follow the orders of a lower mammal, and I'm sorry."

"Don't you ever call yourself a lower mammal!" Skipper insisted. "You're too rational and kindhearted to ever be called such a thing. Plus, of all the mammals I know, you're my favorite."

"Thank you, Skipper," Marlene said. "And do you know what?"

"What?" Skipper asked.

"My favorite bird is about to become Penguin Leader again," Marlene replied.

Marlene then left Skipper and went over to talk to Kowalski.

"Kowalski, now that I've stepped aside, will Skipper now be able to regain his rightful role as Penguin Leader?" Marlene asked. "He has the most votes now."

"It doesn't quite work that easily, Marlene," Kowalski told her. "I'm afraid that the Constitution of United Penguins requires a re-vote should the Penguin Leader-elect decline to serve."

"But, Kowalski," Private suddenly spoke up in a panic, "it's already 7:59! There's no time for all of us to vote again before the 8:00 deadline!"

"Well, there is enough time left if we do it by parliamentary voice vote instead of at the polls," Kowalski suggested.

"So moved," Marlene said, formally introducing a motion for Kowalski's idea.

"I like to move it, move it! I like to move it, move it!" Julien then said as he began to dance, cuing in on the word "moved" that Marlene had just spoken.

"The motion has already been moved," Kowalski said as he heard Julien and observed the king's dance. "But I'll consider that as the motion having been seconded."

Kowalski quickly glanced at his watch. There was only 30 seconds left until 8:00.

"It has been moved that Skipper be reinstated as Penguin Leader," Kowalski stated. "Dare I ask, are there any other candidates?"

Except for Julien's song and dance, the floor was silent.

"Hearing none, the floor is closed," Kowalski declared. "May all in favor of reinstating Skipper signify by saying 'aye,' with all opposed saying 'no.' And Julien may give his consent by responding with 'move it.'"

"Aye," all then declared, except for Julien, who continued to dance and say "move it."

"The ayes are six, the noes are zero, the move its are one," Kowalski reported. "Skipper is hereby re-elected by unanimous consent."

Kowalski looked at his watch. Two ticks from the top of the hour. They had made it.

As the group then began to give Skipper a round of applause, there was a sudden and unexpected noise outside.

"Was that a splash I just heard?" Julien asked out loud, stopping his dance to do so.

"Private, go check that out," Skipper called over to Private.

Private waddled over to the periscope and looked through it to see what was going on up above.

"It's Rico, sir!" Private reported. "He's back!"

"Well, good," Skipper said. "Everything's starting to go right again."

As Rico entered the HQ, the other penguins surrounded him.

"High fives all around," Skipper said as the four reunited and raised their flippers together.

"Don't you mean 'high ones,' Skipper?" Kowalski asked. "We don't have any fingers."

"Whatever works," Skipper replied, then turning to Rico. "Rico, buddy, have we got some stories to tell you."

"Indeed," Kowalski agreed. "But those stories will have to wait until later. Right now, at long last, I think someone ought to be taking the oath of office."

Private then left the penguin gathering and picked up Kowalski's Bible from where it had been left after Marlene declined to serve. He then waddled back over and handed it to Kowalski.

"If everybody wouldn't mind coming over again, I would like to have everyone gather around for the inaugural ceremony," Kowalski called out to everyone in the room.

After everyone had assembled for the second time, Kowalski stood in front of Skipper and held out his Bible.

"Are you prepared to take the oath, sir?" he asked.

"I am," Skipper replied, placing his left flipper on the Bible and his right in the air.

"I, Skipper Joseph Fidelis, do solemnly swear–" Kowalski prompted before Skipper spoke up.

"Thanks, Kowalski, but I don't need the cues; I've done this before," Skipper said before reciting the oath on his own. "I, Skipper Joseph Fidelis, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of Penguin Leader of the Central Park Zoo, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of United Penguins, so help me God."

"Congratulations, Mr. Leader," Kowalski then said as he engaged in a flippershake with Skipper.

As the crowd applauded, Rico detonated a stick of dynamite in the fashion of a Presidential salute fired by cannon. Next, Julien began to sing a little song set to the tune of "Hail to the Chief."

"_Hail to the Flightless Bird elected on this Tuesday  
_"_Hail to the Flightless Bird and to the smart one who is tall  
_"_Hail to the Flightless Bird is what I'd like to just say  
_"_It's true I tried to beat him, but you can't win them all!"_

"Thank you, Julien," Skipper said. "That was, well, interesting."

Everyone then gave Julien a round of applause for his singing, which concluded after a few moments when Skipper resumed speaking.

"My fellow Americans, our short local nightmare is over," Skipper couldn't help but joke, modifying the words which Gerald R. Ford had spoken after he had been sworn-in as President in 1974 to reflect the events that had taken place at the zoo that day.

Everyone laughed at Skipper's joke out of respect, but only Kowalski, who knew the names of all 44 U.S. Presidents in the order in which they had served, understood the historical reference.

"OK, time to get serious; on to the first order of business," Skipper then told the group. "I would now like to re-appoint Kowalski as Lieutenant Leader. Now that I'm officially Penguin Leader again, we need only a majority vote of us penguins to do this, but since the lemurs and Marlene were involved in today's fiasco – um, I mean, election – I'd like to invite them to join in on this process. Can I have a motion, please?"

"So moved," Private said, raising a flipper.

"Don't!" Skipper pointed to Julien and shouted in a friendly way. "No dancing this time! Now are there any seconds to the motion?"

"Second," Mort replied. "I like seconds!"

"All those in favor signify by saying 'aye'" Skipper called.

"Aye," they all voiced.

"All opposed?" Skipper asked to no voices of opposition.

"Carried unanimously," he declared. "Kowalski, you know the drill."

Kowalski handed his Bible to Skipper, then placed his left flipper on it while raising his right.

"I, Kowalski Albert Kowalski, do solemnly swear," he began, "that I will support and defend the Constitution of United Penguins against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter, so help me God."

"Kudos, Kowalski," Skipper said. "And now that the legalities are over for the next two years, I'd like to move on to the next item of business."

Skipper then smiled and looked to Marlene.

"Marlene, without your actions, I would not be standing here tonight as Penguin Leader," he told her. "I'm sorry for any part that I played earlier in your frustrations. You have proven yourself to be not only rational, but a friend I'm proud to have. And so, at this time, I would like to ask you to become my Secretary of State."

"But we don't have a Secretary of State," Private mentioned to Skipper.

"We do now if Marlene accepts," Skipper replied.

"Which state, sir, solid, liquid, or gas?" Kowalski asked. "Of course, there's also plasma."

"No, Kowalski, I'm not talking about states of matter," Skipper replied.

"Oh, you mean like Connecticut, then?" Private inquired. "Or is it like Indiana? Or Tennessee? I've always wanted to go to Tennessee!"

"No, Private, not those kind of states either," Skipper replied.

"I see. You mean _state_, as in, concerned with foreign policy matters?" Kowalski asked. "Correct?"

"Yes, Kowalski," Skipper said as he nodded. "Although here at the zoo, it would be more of a position concerned with interspecies policy and cultural understanding."

"Skipper, I think–" Marlene began to say before Skipper began to talk over her.

"OK, Marlene, you can be Secretary of State or car czar," Skipper told her. "It's your choice."

"Car czar?" Marlene asked, confused.

"I donno," Rico mumbled, shrugging his shoulders before waddling away.

"Fine, forget that one," Skipper said, waving a flipper to dismiss the idea. "But will you be my Secretary of State?"

"No, Marlene," Julien suddenly walked over to her and said. "I want you to be my Ambassador to Madagascar instead."

"But I don't know anything about Madagascar," Marlene replied. "I've never even left the United States."

"Oh, Madagascar is a wonderful place," Julien proudly told her. "Lots of lemurs."

"Yeah, don't remind me," Skipper chimed in.

"You know, guys," Marlene said to Julien and Skipper as she placed a paw on each of their backs, "I thank both of you for considering me for these positions, but I'd like to respectfully decline both of your offers. I hope you'll understand."

Julien and Skipper both nodded at Marlene's decisions. Marlene then noticed that Rico was bringing out a cake across the room.

"You guys didn't tell me there would be cake!" Marlene said as she walked away from Skipper and Julien to go get a piece.

"Well, penguin, it sure has been one heck of a day," Julien then told Skipper. "You're right: It's never just a day on Election Day."

"So, did you learn anything about democracy?" Skipper asked.

"Well, I learned that I won't be challenging you in 2011," Julien replied as he chuckled. "I think that you're the only Penguin Leader this zoo can handle, for better or worse."

Skipper himself chuckled as well.

"You know, I think you're right about something, too," he said. "I think the silliest penguin did wind up winning after all."

"So, no hard feelings?" Julien asked, holding out his hand.

"All right, but no soft feelings either," Skipper said as he shook Julien's hand. "I don't want any of that superficial mushy nonsense. But I still do need to call you out on one thing: When you accused me earlier of hating my men, that hurt. I hope that you really know that nothing could be further from the truth."

"Mistakes were made; I'm sorry," Julien apologized. "Forgive me?"

"Sure," Skipper replied. "Well, at least until the next one."

"Then do you think that you could help me with something?" Julien asked. "Could you teach me how to swim?"

"I'll tell you what," Skipper replied, "if you leave that grotesquely undersized bathing suit that you had on in those photos at home, I'll teach you how to swim."

"Eh, that wasn't my bathing suit," Julien said. "I was barrowing Mort's."

"Ew!" Skipper exclaimed.

"So, what are we anyway, Skipper?" Julien asked. "After all is said and done, are we friends? Enemies? Rivals? Pals?"

"Yes," Skipper replied.

"But how can you say 'yes' to all of those things?" Julien wondered.

"Because we are," Skipper said. "We're neighbors."


	6. Epilogue: The Road to the White House

As Skipper continued to talk with Julien, Marlene, after finishing her piece of cake, noticed that Kowalski wasn't busy with anything, so she walked up to him and tapped him on the back.

"Excuse me, Kowalski," she said, "you know a lot about different things, so I was wondering if I could ask you a question or two."

"It would be my pleasure," Kowalski said. "For what good is having knowledge if you are not able to share it with others?"

"Well, you know how I accidentally said 'President' when I was taking the oath earlier?" Marlene asked.

"It is kind of hard to forget," Kowalski quipped.

"Well, I'm not really sure if I want to be President or not," Marlene continued, "but I was just wondering about the legalities of an otter becoming President."

"Well, I have a feeling that the Supreme Court would have some issues with the idea," Kowalski began, "but as for the actual text of the United States Constitution, it is silent on the matter; it neither supports nor expressly prohibits the concept of an otter being elected to the Oval Office."

"What are the requirements, then?" Marlene asked.

"Article II, Section 1, Clause 5 of the United States Constitution imposes three eligibility requirements to serve as President," Kowalski replied. "First, you must be a natural-born citizen, that is, you need to have been born in the United States."

"I was born in California," Marlene responded.

"Monterey, California. March 26, 1992," Kowalski said. "Correct?"

"Kowalski, you both amaze me and freak me out a little," Marlene said with a smile. "That's correct, but how did you know?"

"I knew your middle name earlier; I tend to know a thing or two," Kowalski replied. "Now, the third requirement to be President is that you be a resident of the United States for 14 years, and since I heard you tell Julien earlier that you've never left the country, you've met that requirement, too."

"So, could I run in 2012 if I wanted to?" Marlene asked.

"No, because I went out of order and did not yet tell you the second requirement," Kowalski said. "You need to be 35 years old to be President."

"But otters might only live to be 25 or so," Marlene said sadly.

"Oh, I wouldn't worry too much about that, Marlene," Kowalski reassured her. "Are you forgetting that you're a _talking otter_? You can throw all that lifespan stuff out the window when you're an animal who can talk. Trust me, I know."

"So, I couldn't run until–" Marlene began to say as Kowalski jumped in with an answer.

"The election of 2028," he informed her.

"Nineteen years," Marlene said. "What to do?"

"Well, usually people who become President have held other political offices before getting to the White House," Kowalski said. "Many have been governors, senators, vice presidents, and other things. Six, including Thomas Jefferson, have even been Secretaries of State."

Marlene then looked across the room and noticed that Skipper was no longer talking with Julien.

"Hey, Skipper!" she called over to him. "Is that Secretary of State position still open?"

* * *

Well, you've made it, my friend. Thank you for reading "Election Day." I hope you liked it and will post your review.

I personally had a lot of fun writing this, and it took some work nearly every day in the month of August 2009 to complete. As a fan of both writing and politics, I had fun blending some political jokes, phrases, and references into my story – I hope it was never too much.

Some brief fun facts: While I totally invented the rules of the "Constitution of United Penguins," Kowalski's citations of the two federal laws (the Help America Vote Act of 2002 and the Communications Act of 1934) and the U.S. Constitutional requirements to serve as U.S. President (except, probably, the otter becoming President part) are real; the oaths of office are modified versions of the actual Presidential oath (which is in the U.S. Constitution) and the oath required for federally elected officials (per federal law); the motions in Chapter 5 reflect parliamentary procedure.


End file.
